Of Course it Was Monday

I was still sitting in bed Monday morning, staring at the ceiling, idly petting Patrick the cat when my phone buzzed. Phones don’t buzz early in the morning much these days around here, one of the side effects of an empty house. I reached down to find a text from local high school student, Domonic, asking if I could take a call a little later this morning. He and his group partner in health class wanted to discuss a mental health brochure they’d been tasked with creating.  

“Sure” I replied, “that works.” It wasn’t the first time I’d been asked. Around this time every year since 2021, a handful of students reach out and ask some basic questions. But this was the first time I’d been asked to have a call.  Domonic and Peter called right on time.  Little did I know they’d put me on speaker phone in front of the entire class, an opportunity I’m ever so grateful to have had. These young people respectfully asked questions about Rhy’s Above. Why and when we started, all the basics.

“Why did you choose a wolf for your logo, and its rainbow. What’s that about?” they asked.

High School Mental Health Brochure ft. Rhy’s Above p1

“One of Rhyland’s favorite animals is a wolf, and they’re pack animals. We want to share the idea that you are not alone, the rainbow further carries that message because we don’t care who you are. Your background, ethnicity, religious affiliation, just like suicide doesn’t discriminate neither do we. Everyone is welcome to find refuge here.” I replied.

“Who was Rhyland, what was he like?” they inquired.

“Rhyland’s bold, loud, caring. Funny and courageous he could easily float between many crowds. No one had a bigger hug, louder greeting, or was genuinely so happy to make people feel more included than Rhy.”

We talked about how to talk to someone you care about who’s struggling. About how leaving shame and judgement at the door are necessary; even if you happen to know the person you’re speaking to ‘has a great life’ – now is not the time to tell them. A gentle question, sometimes asked twice, or a hug can go a long way. We talked about what to do after someone opens up. How sometimes, talking is enough. But sometimes you may need to help them talk to a trusted adult.

They asked if I believe suicide is preventable. Yes, yes I do.

And then they hit the heavy questions. A few even adults have yet to ask, even when I see the question lingering behind their eyes. Hear it in the tremor of their voice.

“Are suicides all the same? Can we always see signs? Did Rhyland have signs?” they asked

“No, every suicide is unique, and we don’t always see signs. Rhyland did show signs. He had doctors and therapists and friends and family and support. And it wasn’t enough” I shared.

I don’t remember their exact words. But along with their actual question was the implied… Why wasn’t it enough? Why couldn’t he be saved? Why was Rhyland’s death not preventable? All questions I’ve asked myself no less than 8,652,944 times.

And the only definitive thing I can say is what I shared with them.

High School Mental Health Brochure ft. Rhy’s Above p2

The reason I say ‘Reach out, speak up. The life you save may be your own’ is because we must take ownership of our own mental health. It’s not static. You can be great today and not great tomorrow; mental health is all of it, the good and the bad. You don’t have to go this alone. But no one but you is inside your mind. No one but you truly knows how you feel. We can do this together, but no one can do it for you. Reach out, speak up – right? Unfortunately, the night my son passed, he neither reached out nor spoke up and that is something we can never undo.

The whole room collectively took a deep breath and paused. Peter broke the silence, thanking me for being so open. For speaking with them and answering questions that had to be hard. These young people respectfully approached a tough subject. Asked the questions they wanted answers to, respectfully. And created the brochure featured in these pages. I’m honored they took the time. I’m grateful their teacher encouraged them.

So on this World Mental Health Day, and everyday, I leave you with this. Reach out, speak up. The life you save might be your own.

~ love j